Li Wei pulling out his phone and finding no service is such a relatable moment. I'd do the same thing. The detail of him clicking the camera shutter out of boredom, and then a bird feather landing on his head without him noticing—it's a small but poetic touch that shows his disconnection from his surroundings.
2 There’s a slight overuse of “in an instant” and “suddenly” in the writing. It makes some transitions feel abrupt. For example, the system appears “suddenly,” the mosquitoes appear “suddenly.” A smoother way to introduce events would make the reading more immersive. But it’s not a dealbreaker—the story is still easy to follow.
The cafeteria explosion was a nice twist. It shows that other survivors are active and thinking, not just hiding. The bomb made from machine oil for a generator is clever—shoutout to whoever thought of that. Also, the image of three girls climbing a rope to the second floor, their skirts torn, trying not to panic? That's a vivid scene. But the narration quickly shifts to Lin Xiu's rescue without exploring their perspective. I wanted a few lines from the girls about how they survived before Lin Xiu arrived—their fear, their decisions, their teamwork (or lack thereof). It would make them feel like actual characters instead of quest NPCs.
Let's talk about the translation/Writing style because it is distinctly *loud*. The constant parenthetical asides, the TV Tropes awareness, the deliberate awkwardness of lines like 'Internal Organs (an Iron Plate Laugh-Out-Loud Gag)'. It's an extremely specific voice that reads like a translation of a certain brand of Japanese Web Novel where the translator is trying to convey the character's rambling, disjointed thoughts. It works perfectly for the main character because she's supposed to be a modern gamer speaking to herself. The 'google it yourselves' directed at the reader pulled me right out, but also made me laugh. It's very intimate. It makes the MC feel like she's sitting next to you on the couch, half-paying attention to the apocalypse going on outside while complaining about the kotatsu being broken.