The pacing in this excerpt is well done. It starts slow with the quiet scene of waking up, then builds tension with the fabric delivery, and erupts into conflict with Mother Ning's confrontation. The rhythm keeps you engaged.
The Snake People’s reaction to Chen Yi eating their Greshus fruit is hilarious and terrifying. From their perspective, he’s a mountain-sized shadow with tentacles, an “Evil God” who devours their sacred harvest. But from Chen Yi’s perspective, he’s just a lost guy snacking on some weird berries. That mismatch in scale and understanding is one of my favorite tropes. The golden snake’s cowardice, pretending to be brave after running away first, adds a touch of flawed maturity to the “Holy Spirit.”
I’m a little worried about the Shen Yishan character. He seems like a one-note aggressive brother who just exists to be a roadblock. His first dialogue was just threats and accusations, which felt a bit flat. I hope he gets more depth later, maybe a reason for his hostility beyond just “protecting” Yurou. Otherwise, he’ll be a pretty boring antagonist.
The worldbuilding is simple but effective. The funeral home is thick with yin energy, there's a cemetery next door, and ghosts naturally congregate there. The staff leave before 7pm because it's too dangerous. That sets up the rules well. And the fact that the previous night watchman broke his leg after seeing the clown ghost makes JNY's easy handling of the situation even more impressive.